Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Marriage Under Fire!

The yelling.  The disrespect.  The fight (physically and mentally).  The separation.  The feeling of being unloved.  The feeling of being alone.  The feeling of getting a DIVORCE.  Oh no, there's the "d' word. This is a marriage under fire and how many buckets of water will it take to put out the fire. 1? 5? 30? 100? 1,000? Who knows.  

You may not say it openly that this is going on in your marriage, but it is. You may hold it all on the inside because you don't want people to look at you similar to the friends of Patricia and Gavin Anew in "Why Did I Get Married Too" when they announced that they were getting a divorce.  The friends were appalled at that statement and then things turned ugly within their marriage.  But do you really want that for your marriage? Is this really healthy for the marriage?  Let's go to counseling, you say. He says no. So you do what you can to make it work.  But does it work out? No. 

It gets worse. He states that you don't respect me and do what I say. So you start doing what he says and it ALWAYS fails. Bucket #1 to put out that fire.  He says you don't support him, so you do and go and support him.  Bucket #5 to put out that fire. He gets down and start questioning himself in doing things but you still stand flat footed and you keep things going until he can get himself back up and going. Bucket #75 to put out the fire.  With all of those buckets of water to put out the fire, how many buckets does it really takes?  He says you don't do this. You say that he doesn't do this. You go back and forth. When does it stop? 

Out of all of those buckets of water you throw on the fire to put it out, there is still a clear vision once the smoke goes away. A fire doesn't burn always. If you need to take some time alone to breathe, do so.  If you need to take a vacation day, and go some where by yourself, go. An uneasy and an off balanced mind never get ahead. After you both have calmed down, TALK don't blame each other. The blame game is so old, I don't think it wants to come back. As long as you keep throwing the water on the fire, that's proof that you want to save your marriage. Don't allow it to burn completely OUT! 

Until next time, 

Friday, March 17, 2017

When Your Vows Become Action Words

This week has been quite interesting.  My husband has been battling with an illness for the last 2 months and he just refused to go to see the doctor.  Got to love a STUBBORN man.  Over the last few weeks, we both noticed his breathing was getting shorter and shorter.  Some times, he couldn't even go on a long walk before getting short of breath.  I didn't want to seem like the worrisome wife of always nagging him but I was concerned. Well, he would mention that he was going to go to the doctor but never went.  He would buy every over the counter type medicine he think would help his symptoms.  THEY DIDN'T WORK! Yes, I was frustrated.

Well, this week, was a little different. The breathing got shorter and shorter. The tiredness was lasting longer than before. So, Tuesday he decided he was going to go on to the doctor the next day. Wednesday morning, we both got ready. We went over to a local clinic to get seen. That visit didn't last 30 minutes. Once he was called to the back to be seen by the doctor, the nurse checked him in and started to ask about his symptoms. Blood pressure was high.  Breathing was shorter. Murmuring was heard in his breathing. So, the doctor said what hospital do you want to go to because this is severe. So off to the hospital we go.  His pressure goes higher and higher when we get to the hospital. Talking about scared, YEAH THAT WAS ME!! He was admitted and I saw the entire process.

At that moment, that is when I realized that the vows that I gave back on July 10, 2010, are starting to become action words.  I didn't know when they were going to go into action, but I knew it was going to come. I sat there and prayed. I got in my car to run some errands before coming back to the hospital and prayed. I cried and prayed. Then that's when it finally hit me, "through sickness and health". This is the part where we both vowed to still be there "through sickness and health". It's. Not. Easy. Reality sinks in. You sit there and wish you could do something besides pray, to make it feel right. You wish you could just blink and it goes away. It's not that easy. God knows I didn't want to see my husband lying there. But, I did. My mind was all over the place (figure of speech).

But have you ever really paid attention to the vows you say during your ceremony? Even the ones you write? Yes, we say them to be part of the ceremony. But do you take heed on what you are saying? You never know when you will be reminded of the vows you have taken before God and many others during the ceremony. Thoughts become words. Words become action.

Tweet: Thoughts become words. Words become action. @awife2 #tjobaw #bawn #mymw #weddingvows #actionwords

Do not take those words for granted. You never know when they will become action words. Sickness. Health. Good. Bad. Death. Richer. Poorer. Ups. Downs. They are ALL REAL words. Marriage is real. When you or your spouse is faced with a situation, and you are reminded about those vows, that's when it becomes REAL and they become ACTION words. 

Until next time, 

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Legally Done

This was a featured post on The Money Make-up Artist blog. Tracie Threadford invited me to participate on her blog as a guest blogger and it was fund doing so.  She has a great website regarding your financial needs.  Click here to check it out.  
Are you prepared if something severe happens to you, your husband, or your family? Death? Illness? You have to sign on your spouse’s behalf? Many of you probably answered “no” to several of these questions. Well, let’s get you ready.  Have you ever thought about having a Will, Living Will, Power of Attorney (P.O.A.) done? Do you have Life Insurance? These are some important documents that everyone should have, even on an individual basis. It doesn’t take much to prepare but it means a lot to have them if and when they are needed.
DISCLAIMER: I am not an attorney and this information is just my personal view of these documents. I do have these documents for my own personal life and I just want to share the importance of having them.
This document is used to state the specifics of how you want your property, personal items, and finances disbursed after your demise.  You can name individuals, add clauses, and handle situations all in your Will. It allows as you to be in control of who gets what and why after your death.  This document will not be official until you die, but it is good to have it on hand. You don’t want to leave your family with more burdens than what they are currently going through at that time.  If you have any changes that you would like to make to your Will, the document you will complete is called a codicil. This is like an amendment to certain items in your will to state their changes.  Also, you don’t want your property going to the state. This will allow your family to keep the property in the family unless you state otherwise in the Will.
Living Will. 
This document will take effect when you are admitted into the hospital and you can’t speak for yourself. You become very ill and have to be put on some type of additional support to help you continue to live.  You can state specifics of how you want the medical staff to handle certain matters regarding your health.  You can also name a specific person(s) to speak on your behalf.
Power of Attorney (P.O.A.)
This document will allow you to name someone to sign/act on your behalf.  There are two specific type of Power of Attorneys: 1) Durable & 2) Specific. The Durable POA gives the rights to an individual that you will assign to act on your behalf. It will not have an expiration date to it.  The Specific POA is a specific document that will allow someone to only act on your behalf for a specific reason. This document will have an expiration date on it. After that expiration date, the POA is no longer in use.  I will advise that once you get these documents completed; have them recorded at your local Judge of Probate office. Make sure you get a copy of the recorded document as well. 
Life Insurance
This type of insurance comes in after your death to help pay for funeral and outstanding debt expenses. This is important because you don’t want to leave your family with your debt. There are two type of life insurance policies: 1) Whole & 2) Term.  Whole life insurance lasts throughout your lifetime and become active after your demise. You can borrow on the policy, depending on how long you have had it, and the status of your policy. That would strictly be up to the company to allow you to do so.  Term life insurance is based on a certain time frame. If you have such, and you don’t die when the policy expires, you will have to obtain another policy. The terms range from 5 years thru 25 years, depending on the company. If this is something that you would like, then this is for you. Personally, I would not want to take on the risk of paying money on something that will expire before I do. You would not want your family or friends having a "Go-Fund Me" account setup for your funeral expenses.  Life insurance policies are NOT expensive. Get you and your family a policy in place today! 
There are many other legal documents that are available. Sit down with your spouse and talk about the documents I just I mentioned and get this done as soon as possible. These are all good to have on hand and have in an area that you can go directly to them when needed.  You can put them in your safe deposit box at your bank, in a folder at home, give a copy to family members or friends that you trust. Of course, if you go to an attorney to have them to prepare the documents, they will have a copy for you.  I would suggest you schedule a consultation with an attorney to get the legal aspects of the documents and get them started on. You’d rather be prepared than be sorry. 

  Until next time, 

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

A Marriage is a Business

Who ever said that being married was going to be easy? Well, they lied. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you." Those words are priceless to any couple but, have you ever thought that your marriage is a business you own.  Think about it. There was a process of planning and preparation that took place before the wedding ceremony. But have you ever thought about your marriage being a business? Maybe not because your emotions are involved and it's with someone that you love dearly and you can grow with.  So, where does the business part come in at? I'm glad you asked. Let's see...

Before the ceremony, you have to go to the local Probate Court office to apply for a "marriage license". The marriage license gives you the right to enter into a partnership with the other person. Most states have a time frame requirement for apply for the license before the actual ceremony. Check with your local Probate Court office regarding their guidelines for the license.  You will also have to a filing fee.  The filing fee is the fee that is charged by the court system to file the license into the records. You apply for the license. You received the form to have the officiant that's performing the ceremony signed off witnessing it.  After the ceremony, you will return signed completed license application back to your local Probate Court office and then it happens, you get the OFFICIAL MARRIAGE LICENSE. This is a legal doctrine and is designed as a contract agreed upon both parties to partake in such agreement.  Now, the work begins.

Tweet: After the ceremony, that's when the marriage begins. @awife2

After the ceremony, that's when the marriage begins. Every day is not going to be the same but you both strive for the best. You sit down and right out your goals that you have for your marriage. Create short and long term goals. Set up financial accounts. Reconcile the financial accounts. Grow the marriage by growing your family. The kids are like your employees. Your husband is the CEO/President and you are the Executive Director. You purchase a building (the home) to register your family to house in. You have accounts receivable and payable you handle. There is so much that takes place in the marriage, that is handle like a business on a regular day. Just like you would run your business how you want to. You will handle your marriage of how you would want it to be. The level of respect. The ins and the outs. As the years go by, go back and review your goals to update them.

Tweet: Keep your marriage strong everyday. @awife2

Keep your marriage strong everyday. Not on the days that you and/or him are feeling good and things are going good. You want your marriage to be in the number of still going strong, not the "Out of Business" status.

Until next time, 

Sunday, March 5, 2017

A Prayer for A Connection in The Marriage

Dear Heavenly Father:

Thank You for my marriage.  I am thankful for my husband and family. Sometimes, there is a lack of communication and love in the atmosphere. I don't want to never feel like we are separate when You brought us together as one. Bless us to be a team again and not opposites. Bless us to be a blessing not only to ourselves, but to other couples. Speak to both of our hearts to remind us of the love that we once have. God, You are love. Continue to bless us and guide us.

In Jesus' name, Amen.

Thursday, February 16, 2017

3 Areas of Mistakes in a Marriage

“My marriage doesn’t have any problems in it.” Have you ever heard someone say something crazy like that? Or have you ever slipped up and said it to someone to try to impress them? I hope not! All marriages have their problems. All marriages have ups and downs. But what do you do to make sure these problems don’t continue? Do you sit there after time has passed and just think you have gotten over it? Do you sit and talk about the mistake and work out a solution of how not to allow the mistake to happen again?

Let’s see what the 3 areas are:

1)   Communication. This is a key area that a lot of marriages lack major. “I don’t want to talk to her because she talks at me instead of to me.” “I don’t want to talk to him because he never listens.” You have to take time to listen to each other. No person is better than the other in a marriage.  1) Never talk to each other in a heated moment. Nothing will get established.  2) There is nothing wrong with scheduling a time to talk. This helps because both of you can have undivided attention to the other person.  3) Listen! You can hear what I’m saying but are you listening. If the both of you listens, then this will never be a problem any more. Oh, and put those electronic devices down while you’re with each other. Catch it!

2)   Finances. “That’s my money so I have a right to spend what I want.” “I’m not worried about paying any bills because you only live once.” Yeah, these things are said in a marriage. But, when you partner with someone in a business, to keep the business going, you bring your funds TOGETHER to make it work. You don’t have to put all of the money together but put up the percentage that’s going to work. 1) Sit down and put ALL of the bills in front of you. FACE THE REALITY! 2) Come up with a budget that is going to work for the both of you.  3) Go back and review it every 60 days.  You don’t have to a million dollars in the bank to feel like a millionaire.

3)   Trust.  I don’t trust him because he cheated on me.” “I don’t trust her because she always be-little my manhood and not encourage me.” Where did the level drop in this area? If you can’t trust your spouse, then it’s hard to trust anyone else. Go back and see where the ball dropped in this area and pick back up where you BOTH left off.  Watch only in your area and allow your husband to watch in the area that caused the distance. Work on yourself. Don’t focus so much on what he is doing to make it right. Just make sure that you are starting to gain his trust back and then he will start to gain yours back. This can also tie in with communication!

These areas are key in any marriage and you don’t want them to continue to come up.  Make. Your. Marriage. Work! For you and your spouse only, no one else.

And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8 KJV

Until next time,

Monday, February 6, 2017

10 Guy Gift Ideas for Valentine's Day

Yes, ladies, February 14th is right around the corner.  Are you going to get him a gift? Are you wondering what to get him? Don't be selfish and wonder if he is getting you a gift. Just give him something to show your appreciation to him. You know he has gotten you gifts and you didn't have him anything. 

Here's a list of some nice male gift ideas to give him.

A Tool Kit. 
Every man wants to feel powerful when he has to fix something. Well, get him a tool kit where he will have all the necessary tools handy.

A Spa Treatment.
Tension. Knots. Tiredness. Soreness. They experience those things too. Grab a gift certificate to a spa (just for him) to relax and enjoy his self.

A Gift Card to His Favorite Store.
Not sure what to get him out of his favorite store? Well, just let him go in and get what he wants. Let him control it.

A Razor Kit.
The tools he need to groom his self everyday should be right there at his finger tips. Hey, he wants to look good too. Nothing better than a fresh and clean shave, ladies.

A Monogrammed Piece of Jewelry.
There is nothing better than seeing a special message or even a special date on a piece of jewelry. A ring. A watch. A bracelet.

There's nothing better than having a good smelling man next to you. Go out and pick up a cologne set that he likes.

A Monogrammed Work Bag.
He needs a new briefcase and/or a book bag that he takes to work everyday.  Have his name monogrammed on the bag

iPad. Bluetooth Headphones. Upgrade on his cell phone. Keep him up to date with the latest technology gadget to help him out on the go.

Bath Set.
A nice robe. Slippers. Massage pillow. A man likes to feel nice to after he has had a nice hot shower. Want to add a little something extra to it? Monogram it!

A Beer Gift Basket.
Grab his favorite beer and snacks. Create a basket that is filled with all of his favorites and allow him to indulge in it!

Have fun ladies and trust me, he will appreciate the gift and the thought!

                                                         Until next time,